Dear Marcia~

Dear Marcia~
I know that you will never read this, but it's good therapy for my sad heart so I am doing it anyway. Today was a day that I never expected to come this soon. The day that wasn't supposed to happen for at least 20-30 more years. Today was your funeral. You would have loved it. Your flowers on the casket were absolutely gorgeous and the arrangements all around were numerous. The hall was full and so many people there to honor your life and legacy.
You would have been SO proud of your 3 men. They were sitting in the front row and from my view a few rows behind them, I could see a sight that would bring tears to your eyes-I know it did mine. Rhett and Scott were on either side of Ray, and the sight of all 3 sets of broad shoulders sitting there straight and tall, looking right ahead...they just looked so handsome Marcia, and I know you would have been proud.
Your grandkids all looked so nice-the boys in their suits, the girls all dressed up so nice and their hair all beautiful. You would have really been proud of them today too Marcia.
Ray was trying so hard last night and today, but I could tell he was just so overwhelmed. Nothing like seeing a tough Marine with tears in his eyes to rip out your heart strings.  The love he had for you Marcia was always so evident and yesterday and today were no exception. We know Ray isn't a hugger, and that poor guy got hugged so many times, but hopefully it helped his heart to see others missing you too. I swear everytime I look at him I cry~him without you just doesn't seem right. And Scott??? You should have see Scott...Mr Obstinate-Because-I-Can-Be was hugging! See the effect you have on people? Scott was HUGGING! One for the record books that's for sure! :) Claire was giving out 'huggies' because "God made me a good hugger, right Mommy?" but she wouldn't give Rhett one-he teases her...imagine that, right?
Pretty sure I cried more yesterday and today than I have in the last 6 months. I just can't believe you are really gone. It was just too fast, and my mind just can't fathom that the next time I go to Stout, or we have a family picnic you won't be there by Ray's side, laughing your distinct laugh and telling us that we need more vitamin something or other and that we need to stop doing this and that because it leads to such and such. I felt like I did get to say goodbye on Monday, but I didn't really. I didn't get to talk to you one more time and tell you how much you really meant to me and how much I am really going to miss you. I didn't get to ask you what Ray's favorite foods are or what kind of cookies he likes and how you made them so I can make them for him someday when he's really missing you. We didn't get to finish talking about all your ancestry work that you were doing for our family. We just didn't get to finish Marcia...I wasn't done with you yet!
But on the other hand, knowing you are where you are, I can't wish you back here. After reading Heaven Is For Real, sometimes I think about what Heaven must be like, and the beauty that is there-beauty beyond our wildest imaginations. But you don't have to imagine. You are THERE-you have seen Jesus and talked with Him and are walking on the streets of gold. I think about how beautiful some of the places on Earth are and how Heaven's beauty FAR surpasses anything we have seen here on Earth, and how you are experiencing that beauty and glorifying in His presence at THIS very moment and I can't wish you were back here.
I will miss you Marcia-so very much. I love you and I will "see you later"~

My Little Flower Girl :)

So, I've said it on here before, I LOVE that my girls are "girly". Claire is to an extent, but not like Ellie. Ellie is ALL about all things girly (which, I am coming to learn VERY quickly includes WAAAAYYYY too much drama for this mama, but we're surviving). Hair, lip gloss, sparkles, glitter, shoes, purses, clothes-she loves it all.
Using the aforementioned knowledge, imagine for a moment if you will, the sheer exuberance in my eldest when several months ago, my cousin Dustin and his fiancee Erica asked her to be the flower girl in their wedding. Oh my word...excited doesn't even BEGIN to describe it. She hung a calendar above her side of the girls' bed for the sole purpose of having someplace to write "weding flwr grl" or something along those lines (hey that was months ago-she can totally spell that now-go Ellie! :)). I had a gazillion times of being asked how many times I had to flip the calendar page before it was September, and then once it WAS September, "How many more days NOW Mom?". Like I said....EXCITED!
The big day is almost here. Tonight was the rehearsal and she could literally not even stand still for a second. She was trying so hard to be grown up but before we got started she was just kind of bouncing, twirling, strutting around she was so excited. We had to go get a new outfit for the rehearsal because I swear she grew a foot over the summer and all her fall dresses look like miniskirts. She was DEFINITELY on board with the whole "new outfit" idea, and was so pumped to have a "Mommy and Ellie" date. I have to admit, I love having some one on one time with the kids too. It just seems like things are so crazy the majority of the time and Ellie especially gets depended on a LOT to help with Kai and things like that, so some special one on one time with mom is pretty great.
This morning was the funeral for my Aunt Marcia. It was a wonderful funeral and such a great tribute to a really wonderful aunt. I am going to miss her SO much and I know her family will too-please keep them in your prayers. (This is connected to this flower girl story, I promise). So if you are keeping track, this is how my last several days have been-funeral visitation on Thursday night, funeral friday morning, wedding rehearsal friday night, wedding prep sat am (hair, pictures, all that fun stuff!! :)) wedding saturday afternoon, to Garnavillo Saturday night AFTER the wedding, meeting Sunday morning, Bday party for Mia and Owen Sunday afternoon. Plans for Monday: Rock in my chair ALL MORNING LONG (HA I wish....).
ANYHOO...the point of me telling you all this is to tell you how awesome my MIL is. She heard about my aunt's funeral and switched her work days around so she could have today off and came down and stayed with the 2 boy yahoos while the girl yahoos were in school today. She picked up Claire from school at 11 and headed with the 3 little yahoos to Garnavillo so I didn't have to try and deal with them while at the funeral and wedding. Jean, you are a LIFESAVER and I appreciate so much what you do for my family.
WHICH leads back to the Ellie story....So not only does Ellie get to be the flower girl tomorrow she has 2 whole days of being an only child! She is diggin' this let me tell ya! Sam and I walked up to the school this afternoon and picked her up. We then walked to Kwik Star where she got a BIG box of Dots and didn't have to share them with anybody. She did mention, however, that she missed Kai because she would give him all the colors of Dots that she didn't like and he would eat them. HA! We then walked home and she didn't have to share conversation time with anyone AND got Mommy AND Daddy all to herself. She then snuggled into Daddy's lap (again, NOT having to share space) to watch cartoons for a while. But wait, the joy isn't over yet! We got to ride in Grandpa and Grandma's car to the rehearsal, so she got Grandpa AND Grandma AND Mommy AND Daddy all to herself! AAANNNDDDD Eric was at the rehearsal so she even got ERIC all to herself! Pretty sure she's never going to want her siblings to come home!! :)
If I'm being honest here, (which I am all about on this blog! :)) I have to admit, I am LOVING it too. It's so fun. We painted her toenails, did her hair, she "helped" me pick out my clothes and told me my shoes didn't really match my outfit but she guessed they would do, she picked out a perfume to wear, we put some glitter spray in her hair, she put some all over the rest of herself (she was VERY sparkly tonight!!), and even got to wear lipgloss out of Mommy's makeup bag. Tomorrow we are going to get our hair done, and maybe even lunch out with Daddy. Then I get to see her all dolled up in a absolutely gorgeous dress, a crown in her hair, and little high heels on her feet. Erica and Dustin gave her a "diamond" bracelet, so she will be decked out from top to bottom. She's just growing up way too fast, and sometimes I just don't get the time to enjoy the special qualities that she does have because we are in a constant battle over which clothes to wear or why something isn't fair. So often I find myself expecting so much out of her and I need times like this to remind myself how cool of a kid she really is, and that she is only 6 and that even 6 year olds that try to be so grown up are really only 6 and need some quality Mommy and Daddy time.
So, to my Ellie Girl-I'm so proud of you. I can't wait to spend a whole day doing girly things together and then watching you all fancied up, trying so hard to be be so grown up, but radiating the nervous excitement that all 6 year old flower girls should. My heart can't help but think forward to not too many years when my little girl will again be wearing a beautiful dress, a crown in her hair and a diamond on her left hand instead of on a plastic bracelet on your wrist. I love you so much chica-try not to grow up TOO fast ok? And please...don't spill on your dress tomorrow and try to stand still up there and not fidget too much? :)
And to Dustin and Erica-thank you so much for letting my little girl be a part of your special day. We love you guys and we wish you all the best in your new life together. And Erica....don't spill on your dress tomorrow and try not to fidget too much up there ok? :)

To My Big 5 Year Old on Your Birthday~

To my son who seems to be just growing up way to fast:
Today you are 5 years old. 5...that just seems so...I don't know...old. Even though you haven't been a baby for a long time, you are completely not a toddler any more-you are a boy. That makes my mommy heart just a little sad. But at the same time, I love this stage of your life. You have mastered riding your bike with no training wheels, and love playing "tag football" (flag football) with Daddy. You had your first taste of organized sports this summer playing t-ball and absolutely loved it. I have to admit, when I go to football games, I get excited for the day when I am cheering for YOU and watching you do what you love.
This morning you were so excited when you woke up that you couldn't even eat the chocolate donuts that you picked out for breakfast. You pretended to be annoyed when I put a candle in it and sang Happy Birthday really loud but I knew you weren't. :) Daddy is coming home early from work and you can hardly stand to wait and ask me about 8 thousand times when he is coming home.
Tonight is the big "Magic" birthday party. You wanted Chicken Pot Pie for dinner, but that seems a little crazy in my little kitchen to serve that to 30 people. Guess it's just pizza and chips-both of which make you very happy. You are pretty go with the flow-just like you have been for most of your life. You definitely were an easy baby!
You are definitely not perfect. I put on your preschool form that you are scared of losing at ANYTHING and anything that closely resembles chores. We sometimes call you Captain LazyPants, but guess that is an area of "future strength" that we need to work on. :)
You are such a great brother. You are EXTREMELY protective of your siblings-something that makes my mommy heart really happy! :) You told Ellie this summer that when you walked home from school with her, you would protect her from the boys that were teasing her. I know that you would do just that-and do it with everything in your little skinny being. When people pretend that they are going to steal Kai, you can play along for a little while, but if it goes on a little too long, all of a sudden you get this look in your eyes and a very fierce protectiveness takes over. You try so hard not to cry, but it's all you can do to hold it in while you are doing what you can to protect him. I hope that never changes. I hope that you ALWAYS fight for your siblings and do whatever you can to protect them.
I need to get everything going to get ready for the big party tonight, but watching you this morning my heart just feels so full-full of sadness that you really and truly are no longer a baby, full of joy at the little boy that you are and full of hope for the man that you will become. Keep watching your Daddy, Buddy and keep wanting to be like him and do what he does. He's a wonderful example.
This morning you told me that since you are 5 today, you can ride your scooter really good, pump yourself on the swing and that your racecar jammies are too small. Yesterday they were fine, but today they are too small since you are 5. You make me smile. :)

Happy Birthday to my "dude"-so glad that even though you are a tough, football lovin', scooter ridin', car crashin', all things remotely girly avoider and completely all boy, you still love to give your mommy your "super duper huggies". Don't grow up too fast~