Wednesday, April 9, 2014
3 years ago today my world changed forever. 3 years ago right now I was sitting in a tiny little room in the University of Iowa Hospital NICU overwhelmed and trying to digest and come to terms with the fact that there was something wrong with my beautiful little boy. Teams of doctors had come and gone, my baby had wires and tubes, and I had cried more tears than I ever thought possible. I think I have said it before, but I will never in my life forget sitting in that high office chair, leaning on Sam, sobbing and literally feeling like my heart was going to break right in half as my tiny baby was screaming while they tried to get an IV started in his poor little dehydrated body. I will never forget walking down that long empty hallway while the nurse wheeled him to surgery in a little incubator thing and having to turn and walk away from him as they entered the surgery area. I will never forget the physical relief I felt the moment he was placed back in my arms. I never wanted to let him to. It was just the beginning of tests, surgeries, doctors appointments and all the rest. Stuff that you NEVER think is going to happen to you. Weird birth defects happen to other people, not you. 3 years. 3 crazy years. It has FLOWN by but at the same time, that hospital stay seems like a lifetime ago and in many ways I think it is. I would love it if my sweet spunky little guy didn't have to go thru all the stuff he does, but I feel like I have learned so much in those 3 years. I now know more about a child's spinal and digestive systems than any normal mom should :) but more than that, I have learned that I can be stronger than I ever thought I could be. I know that this strength is not from me, but from The One that has a wonderful plan for my life and that of my little turkey. I have learned to lean on Him when I felt like I was going to collapse under all the decisions to be made and life changes that Kai faces. I have learned that with God's help, together Sam and I can do this, and you know what? We do it pretty good. :) This isn't to say that there aren't days that I just want to quit all the catheters and enemas and medical supply companies and doctors appointments....just say forget it and walk away pretending like he is normal kid. My heart hurts when I have to do catheters and he says "owie Mommy" for some reason or another. It still breaks my heart when my older kids ask me if Kai will ever go potty like a normal kid or if he will have to do this when he is a grown up. But then he crawls up into my lap, his hair all crazy in the morning, and wants to snuggle and help me mix Miralax in his juice. I see him jumping on the trampoline laughing with his siblings. In his world, catheters and enemas are normal, every day occurrences. He does absolutely amazing on the potty. He just sits there with his Kindle-sometimes for an hour depending on how things are "moving". In our world, he is a "normal" kid and I wouldn't change him for anything. His birthday was so fun. All he wanted was cake and people there to sing him Happy Birthday. :) He got lots of nice presents that he has been loving. He will talk your ear off if you let him and invited several random people to his birthday party including a salesclerk at Old Navy, a woman at the party store, the lady who made his cake and a man looking at donuts at Walmart who just happened to comment about his Diego cake. :) He is smart as a whip and loves to sing and talk on the phone. Screams his head off when he has to come in from outside and is still very attached to his pacifier (I know....he's WAAAAYYY too old, but lets be real here...the poor kid gets a tubes stuck in not nice places every day....I'm so ok with his pluggy when he's sleeping if it makes him happy.) He's at the age where he loves to make us all laugh and does it frequently. Hates white milk, but loves "dat brown milk" (chocolate milk). Loves baseball (but not off the tee-you have to pitch it. Mommy ordered him a kids pitching machine for his birthday-it's awesome for all parties involved :) ) and beating Grandpa at basketball. He ADORES babies-his favorite being "My Baby Emersyn" (a little girl I babysit sometimes) and will tell you that he has a baby girl growing in his tummy. And seriously...he is so stinking cute it almost hurts. :) Yes, he's naughty and so not perfect but he's mine. I truly believe that this experience has made me a better, more understanding and empathetic person. I have met some people and made some connections that I will be grateful for every day of my life. I would do anything to spare him the pain, but wouldn't change him for the world. He completes our family and Kai Geordon Brandt-you make my heart so very happy. I love you little boy!