Friday, November 22, 2013

Reliving the Moments...

Ok, so I am sure most of you have seen the video or at least the link for the video about the baby born too soon and his life in videos and pictures. I put a link to it at the end of this post in case you want to watch it.
So I clicked on the link this morning thinking it would be a quick "awww" story. Instead it ended with my sobbing! I think I am having an emotional morning :) but it just hit SO close to home for me when I really wasn't expecting it. What really started it is the part where, after 4 days, the mom finally gets to hold her baby for the first time. I will never, ever in my life, forget the feeling of attempting to get comfortable in a chair EXACTLY like that one and watching the nurses lift my baby and untangle cords and tubes and wires from his little body and then placing him in my arms after his surgery when he was 2 days old. After the stress of the unexpected trip, the horrible IV, having to let that nurse push him down that hallway away from me and just all the emotions associated with everything, it was literally sheer bliss to have him in my arms. The moment in the video where the nurses step back and the mom sighs and snuggles her baby was what started my tears today. Then when she started to cry, I just lost it. Pretty sure I did the exact same thing. I remember just putting his little head up by mine, smelling his sweet baby smell at the same time the "hospital smell" that still lingered post surgery, and the overwhelming feeling of relief to finally have him back to me, in my arms where he belonged. At that moment, I don't think I would have let him out of my arms for all the money in the world. I cried then and I cried again today reliving all those feelings.This video brought all them flooding back this morning in a mad, totally unexpected, rush. I cried so hard, I could hardly breathe for a few minutes. I think Claire was getting a little concerned that her mom was looking at her phone sobbing for no apparent reason. :) Then the subject of my tears and emotions stubbed his toe and needed his mommy to kiss it. I snuggled him and Claire on my lap, still so snuggly in their jammies, and we watched cartoons for a couple minutes.  I breathed in the smell that is distinctly toddler, and was so thankful for my kids. There are definitely days where all his medical stuff seems so overwhelming and I just want to quit, but then God sends little reminders that I have so much to be thankful for. I kissed his soft baby skin cheek and whispered "I love you Buddy!" and he snuggled a little closer and said "I love YOU Mommy" and with those 4 little words, all is right in the world again.


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